Consider Others

When I moved to Billings, Montana, it came at a very difficult time of life. I was struggling with both my physical and mental health. I wasn’t sure why I was going back, or even what I was hoping for. I was well aware of my own struggles and thought about them often, I had to, I talked to doctor’s about them regularly.

Upon arriving, I was paired up with James Anderson (but in my journal I call him Stu). I remember our first meeting, it was January in Montana, and I asked him how he was doing. The words he answered with matched his intonation and body language, “I’m cold.” To an extent, this furthered my anxiety and made me wonder what I was doing. I was wrong about Stu. What I’d come to find out is that Stu was amazing. Dude was intelligent, funny, and super athletic. Over the next three months, he would change my life.

I don’t know what Stu’s impressions of me were, but I do know one thing (he made it perfectly clear), he wouldn’t tolerate me saying bad things about myself. I didn’t realize that I had gotten into a bad habit of ripping myself down whenever I got the chance. I remember saying things like, “I’m so dumb,” or “How stupid can I be?” In typical Anderson fashion, he wouldn’t let it slide, and would ask, “Explain to me why you’re stupid? You made a mistake? If that makes you stupid, who do you know that’s not stupid?” I remember feeling stupid for saying I felt stupid. 

What I didn’t realize at the time, was that when I was saying these things about myself, I was only thinking about myself. I wasn’t thinking about others. I was reminded of this story as I read Alma 4 this week. What stuck out to me about Alma 4, was that I felt like I was reading about myself. Alma 4:2-4:

2 But the people were afflicted, yea, greatly afflicted for the loss of their brethren, and also for the loss of their flocks and herds, and also for the loss of their fields of grain, which were trodden under foot and destroyed by the Lamanites.

3 And so great were their afflictions that every soul had cause to mourn; and they believed that it was the judgments of God sent upon them because of their wickedness and their abominations; therefore they were awakened to a remembrance of their duty.

4 And they began to establish the church more fully; yea, and many were baptized in the waters of Sidon and were joined to the church of God.

As these people considered their own trials and hardships they were humbled and were “awakened to a remembrance of their duty.” Unfortunately, the scope of their thoughts was still themselves. As their burdens and trials changed, the impact of their focus on themselves manifests itself more plainly. Alma 4:6,8:

6 And it came to pass in the eighth year of the reign of the judges, that the people of the church began to wax proud, because of their exceeding riches, and their fine silks, and their fine-twined linen, and because of their many flocks and herds, and their gold and their silver, and all manner of precious things, which they had obtained by their industry; and in all these things were they lifted up in the pride of their eyes, for they began to wear very costly apparel.

8 For they saw and beheld with great sorrow that the people of the church began to be lifted up in the pride of their eyes, and to set their hearts upon riches and upon the vain things of the world, that they began to be scornful, one towards another, and they began to persecute those that did not believe according to their own will and pleasure.

This way of thinking always leads to one path. Alma 4:12:

12 Yea, he saw great inequality among the people, some lifting themselves up with their pride, despising others, turning their backs upon the needy and the naked and those who were hungry, and those who were athirst, and those who were sick and afflicted.

I believe inequality comes because people believe that they deserve something more than others. It wasn’t enough that this group of people had their burdens lightened and were blessed with comforts of life. They continued focusing on themselves and what would bring them happiness.

As I began dating Traci, I began to realize how far off I really was. Growing up, (outside of family and friends) the people I remember looking up to were Doug Gilmour, Mats Sundin, Larry Bird, Damon Albarn, and Charles Barkley. I looked up to people that were talented, successful, and good people. 

When I began talking to Traci, I found out she dreamed of one day being Mother Teresa. Traci looked up to people who helped other people. Traci wanted to live with people in need and help them. To be clear, I aspired to be successful and gain even more possessions, while my wife dreamed of a day of living without possessions. This inward desire to help others made her into the woman she is today.

As I was reminded of the story about me and Stu, I reread that portion of my journal. I was surprised to find how obvious the change was from my first couple of weeks with Stu, to the weeks just before we were split. At the beginning, my journal entry were a mix of a travel log and an update on my mental health. By the end, I was considering others. My desire to help others had increased. 

March 4th, 1999: 

“We had a car accident this week that hurt Stu’s back, so we’ve spent a lot of time in the house. To tell you the truth (which I always do), I just want to go talk to people, be nice to people, help people.”

Every day this week, as I asked God what he wanted me to do that day, I felt like the answer was each day to focus on specific people, and to help them have better days. Some days I did a better job of that than others, and my happiness on those days directly correlated. As I read that section of my journal, for the first time ever, days after receiving those answers to prayers, I recognize that I haven’t learned well enough that I need to consider others. I need to love others. I need to help others.  

I’m grateful that Stu was further along the path than me. He was willing to consider others, luckily I was one of the others. He changed my life because he loved others. 

As I think about what this looks like, my thoughts are turned to the life of Jesus Christ. Every hour of his days was spent in the service of others. Before giving his physical life, he gave his time, efforts, and heartaches to others. 

Now more than ever, I need to grow to understand, then live John 13:34:

34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

The Power of Words

When I was in college, a friend of mine told me (as a compliment), “If you had a superpower it would be that you can mock anyone into submission.” I remember that compliment stinging me then, it continues to stand as a reminder to me today. 

I was reminded of this not-so-pleasant memory as I read Mosiah 27 this week. Unlike Alma the younger, I don’t know that I ever mastered flattery, but I know that I caused anguish and contention, “giving a chance for the enemy of God to exercise his power over them.” (Mosiah 27:9) 

As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to recognize not only the pain that words can bring, but that the pain is usually being piled on top of other pains individuals are trying to endure and work through. I consider the words of Elder Eyring, “When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.”

This was a hard lesson to learn and I want to believe it helped me improve, however, what I know changed me was learning that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I empathize with Alma the younger as I consider Mosiah 27:19, right after an angel of the Lord appeared to Alma. This angel not only brings Alma to an awareness of his sins but to an awareness of Jesus Christ as his Savior.

“And now the astonishment of Alma was so great that he became dumb, that he could not open his mouth.”

Alma’s powers came from his mouth, leading away the hearts of the people. I don’t believe it’s coincidental that he’s made dumb. I don’t know if it was God’s power that made Alma dumb, or as I’ve found in my life, my own awareness that stopped me from speaking. The question is, why would knowledge of Jesus Christ change the way we speak?

When I started truly feeling the effects of the atonement, I found increased peace and joy in my life. Repentance brings peace and joy. The atonement of Jesus Christ brings peace and joy. The savior endured unimaginable pain to give us this gift. When I use this gift, I feel loved, I feel peace, I feel joy, and I have an increased desire for others to feel the same feelings. 

As I begin considering my desire to help others, I’m reminded of the words in James 3:10-13:

10 - Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

11 - Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?

12 - Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.

13 - Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.”

In order to act with meekness, you must first look to God for understanding. That is why I became dumb after learning about Jesus Christ, I had relied on my own intellect for so long, that I had no words to speak. I didn’t yet possess the words which were founded in the meekness of wisdom, words founded in Jesus Christ. 

I continue to seek to understand this, but I feel like God is providing me greater insight as I continue to try. Some of this insight is a greater understanding of the power of words. I was brought to an awareness that I have had prayers answered. I have given blessings that have healed, comforted, and brought understanding. Words have changed my life, especially the words of God. 

Elder Holland has helped shape the goal for me, 

“In his deeply moving final testimony, Nephi calls us to “follow the Son [of God], with full purpose of heart,” promising that “after ye have … received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, [ye] can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels. … And … how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost? Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ.” Indeed, Christ was and is “the Word,” according to John the Beloved,11 full of grace and truth, full of mercy and compassion.”

As a parent, these lessons are manifest daily. I recognize that when I speak with love and gentleness toward my wife and my sons, our home contains greater peace. When I am sarcastic or critical, our home isn’t as peaceful. What’s more troubling and exciting is that I’ve started realizing that when I show love and gentleness my boys follow, when I am sarcastic and critical my boys follow. 

If Jesus Christ was full of grace and truth, full of mercy and compassion, that is my goal. I’m striving for my words to be words of grace and truth, words of mercy and compassion.